I LOVE this week’s picture on Creative Writing Ink! Granted, I had to work my brain out to come up with a story, but that doesn’t erase the fact that this picture is awesome! So here we go. Feel free to comment and criticize.



I watch as the lady with the big blue bag leans on one of the pillars. She’s talking to someone on the headset and she certainly looks as if someone had brought the rain on her parade. Every few seconds she would push her thumb on her forehead or massage the bridge of her nose with both eyes closed. From where I am right now, I can’t really make up what it is she is saying. I can’t even read her lips. One thing is for sure,  though. She looks frustrated. Pissed off, even.


“No, you can’t do this to me!” The lady suddenly shouts, attracting a few strangers who are still waiting for the last train. Realizing that she’s made a spectacle of herself, she hides behind the pillars and crouches with her black umbrella to keep her balance. She’s hissing at the headset now, and I can see her whole face redden with a rollercoaster of emotion.


Some of the people who were standing next to her have now shifted and moved a few metres away with a look of ignorance. One guy even shook his head in disgust. It amazes me how people can just stop and stare at a couple french-kissing in the corner of the street, while they will instantly look away when there’s a person in distress.


Now that the people have moved away, I realize there’s a guy there, not too far from the lady, who also looks frustrated. I can’t see his face, though, because he’s covering it with his hand. I have to squint to finally notice the immense shaking of his shoulders. He has no one nearby to console him. No one but the lady with a bad mood.


“Shouldn’t you do something, dad?” Damon finally looks up at me. “Since no one else does.”


“What do you think I should do?” I ask him back with a testing smile on my face.


Damon rolls his eyes as if I was the dumbest person this kid has ever known. “Help them, of course! Isn’t that what you told me your job is? To help them end their misery without waiting for them to ask?”


I cross my arms and jerk my head to both the lady and the young man. “I think you should do this one.”


All of a sudden there’s sparkle in Damon’s grey eyes. “Really??” He’s jumping up and down with such an excitement that I have to put my hand on his head to calm him. “You really think I’m ready??” he whispers enthusiastically.


The loud sound of the incoming train fills the almost-empty station. I can see the train light coming in from the distance darkness. “Remember, you can only help one person at a time.”


Damon nods and grins. Without waiting another second, he turns around and skips away. I crane my neck, curious and anxious to see who it is he’s going to pick: the frustrated lady or the devastated man. Both have already got up at the sound of the train and are now standing to wait.


A proud smile quickly blooms on my face as I see Damon slowly approaches the crying man. Good boy. I would have picked the same one.


The man doesn’t notice that my son is standing behind him. He looks to his left as the train light grows bigger and bigger. I glance at the frustrated lady. She’s currently putting her umbrella inside the bag so she doesn’t notice anything either. Perfect.


The train is approaching now. I can see the head coming out of the tunnel like a snake. It roars as everyone at the station stands closer, a few inches behind the blue line.


I catch Damon’s eyes. My little boy is smiling. Check this out, dad!, his expression is saying. In my head, I count to six. I know Damon’s doing the same thing.








The man absent-mindedly looks to his right, to me who is standing at the corner with arms crossed. Our eyes meet. His eyes are watering and his nose is red. I touch the tip of my hat. “You’re welcome, sir.”




On cue, My seven-year-old Damon pushes him as hard as he can, off the edge of the platform.


And just like that, we’ve just helped the devastated man out of his misery. Forever.



Another dark and psychotic story. Don’t worry, though. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with me 😛

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Novroz
    Jul 08, 2011 @ 08:47:11

    Hmmm… I should say, this isn’t one of your bests. The ending is too weird and so suddenly the focus of the story shifts from the woman to the man.


    • si_ulil
      Jul 11, 2011 @ 07:30:08

      Hhhh…I know. I’m actually not too proud of this particular one as well. it just wasn’t my best, admit it. Will try harder next time. Thank you SO much for the honest opinion. *hug*


  2. jewel2
    Jul 17, 2011 @ 18:49:18

    I really enjoyed this piece of writing! I thought it was very clever how you included all the people in the image within your story! I was very predictible and only focused on the woman!

    I wish I could build up a scene the way you do! You manage to draw me in to your stories everytime! The descriptive introduction (the sights and sounds), before you develop the plot is always effective.

    Another dark and twisted plot which could quite easily be used in the TV series – Criminal Minds!

    I have learned to expect the unexpected with you! Keep up the good work!!


    • si_ulil
      Jul 18, 2011 @ 13:47:38

      Wow. Thank you, Jewel. I have to admit, this is a surprise. You may have noticed in a couple of previous comments that I’m not really happy about how this particular story turns out. But I truly and deeply appreciate your opinion. Regardless of everything, your comment is surely the boost of confidence that I need. Thank you.


  3. jewel2
    Jul 18, 2011 @ 17:32:08

    Writing is an art and with that you will always get differing opinions, just like any painting, sculpture, book, movie or anything else creative.

    I am looking forward to your next piece of writing. I still haven’t come up with an idea for the Venice prompt yet!


    • si_ulil
      Jul 19, 2011 @ 01:42:20

      “I am looking forward to your next piece of writing.” >> that makes two of us. My mind is in a serious blank. So I ended up posting two different posts, not short stories 😛 Hopefully I’ll get an inspiration soon. *fingers crossed


  4. Trackback: Peace At Last « Nerd in Writing

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