Before The Worst

Greetings!

It’s been a while since I posted something for Creative Writing Ink. In fact, I’m getting rusty, so bear with me πŸ™‚

This week’s picture is intriguing. I’ve always pictured a couch (or bed) as a symbol of the comfortable domestic life. A symbol of settling down, per se. So when I see the picture of a wrecked and disheveled couch, I immediately thought of a relationship that’s hit a wall. The kind of relationship that has become so sour that the only way to fix it is to end it before it takes its tool. Before it gets worst.

As always, constructive criticisms are always needed, expected, and welcomed. Thanks for dropping by πŸ™‚

Before The Worst

Just turn off the lights

Don’t expect a spark

Can’t be a perfect sight

When both of us are in the dark

 

Pull the curtains down

Take a look around

We are the wounded ones

In a raging war that can’t be won

 

Tried our best to stand

But our hearts won’t mend

No longer can pretend

Better let the story ends

 

Before we turn to dust

Before the dawn arrives

Give a kiss goodbye to the chapters of our lives

 

Before it leaves a scar

It’s best to let it go

Let this be the greatest story the world will never know

***************************************************************

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Wanda
    May 02, 2012 @ 10:48:47

    Impressive. Congratulations!

    Reply

  2. Jose
    May 02, 2012 @ 17:04:37

    Truly moving. You write so well!

    Reply

  3. danniehill
    May 03, 2012 @ 01:16:50

    A very nice poem, Wulan. With feelings I could feel and touch. I think it could do with a bit of editing– for example, the last line.

    I only give advise because I care about your writing and poems. I envy your talent.

    Reply

    • si_ulil
      May 03, 2012 @ 12:52:53

      Yes, I have to admit I had a hard time with the last line as well (especially concerning grammar errors), but I still don’t know what to do with it. Any suggestions?

      Reply

      • danniehill
        May 05, 2012 @ 09:07:42

        “Let this be the greatest story the world will never know” I’m guessing it was just a typo.

        I want to say again I give you a critique because of your talent, Wulan. I loved the poem and it spoke of love, heartache and memories of hope.

        Great job!

        Sorry for late reply. Have gone back to Bangkok on business.

      • si_ulil
        May 05, 2012 @ 15:34:27

        Aaah… I didn’t even realize the typo! Thanks for that! I was actually concerned with the way I ended the line. I needed (and still do, actually) some assistance concerning grammar. Plus, I wanted the last line to be a tiny bit shorter. Still havent figured out how to do that.

        No worries about the late reply. I hope everything’s well in Bangkok.

        Cheers!

  4. Novroz
    May 09, 2012 @ 17:31:54

    I agree with Wanda…it’s an impressive work.
    Great choice of words to be turned into a sentence

    Reply

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